I just paid my attorney fee for my divorce - $4900. Right now I think its the best "purchase" i've ever made. The divorce is still in the works, but he's gone and I'm not afraid anymore. I suppose I am in much worse shape financially, but I have a job, and now, slowly I'm learning to have a life.

The universe is bigger than you think. There is room for freedom and happiness and just being with yourself and two old fat dogs that love you.

And while I am still going to take a huge financial hit, I'm also in the habit of thrift, so my life is still very very good.

Just so you all know, if you plan to divorce your husband because he ran off with another woman, gave her money, cheated on you before and you work more than he does, you owe him alimony in California.

He gets half of everything, even if he beats you up and scares you.

Wheeeeeeeeee

My tile is in, my living room, dining room, entryway and hallway have been painted and new non-popcorn ceilings put in (very nice texturing). I have now officially spent all my discretionary income. And then I went out and ordered some furniture for the living room, which has admittedly been furnished in early garage sale and furniture kits.

Once I found out I had diabetes my shopping thrift went out the window. Now that I have calmed down somewhat I have to think about how to pair down the diet without sacrificing nutritional needs.

I have eliminated sugar from my diet. Guess what? Sugar is cheap. Splenda and Stevia are expensive.

I have eliminated many carbohydrates from my diet. Guess what? Those were my stock up items.

Goal - to again develop a pantry system that saves healthy foods and complex carbohydrates.

Goal - to have a Cook Ahead day, where I cook meals that can be frozen as lunch or dinners.

Goal - start a small garden - I need salad stuff, and fresh salad seems very important in this new life style.

I am paying cash for the labor on these improvements. I am using credit cards to pay for the materials, and hope to pay off the balance on the credit cards very quickly, because I generally don't leave any kind of a balance on my credit cards. (drives them CRAZY too).

It feels like pulling teeth though. I don't want to spend my money all at one time. I know if I decided, I could float a small loan and pay that off, and it would be better than credit card debt.

At the same time, i'm not spending emergency money, so in a way this is a culmination of two goals, to have emergency savings, and to have the ability to make important purchases with a sense of empowerment.

I have decided to start fixing up my house.

I'm going to pay a contractor who has worked for my place of work before and have gotten a fair price.

Its hard to feel incapable of doing things by myself, but I'm not in good enough shape to paint and tile my house, the house needs to be cheery.

I have gotten other quotes, and asked a general contractor i know, and this price appears best.

600 sf of tile flooring, getting rid of popcorn ceilings and painting the interior of the living room, dining room, hallway and entry for $5K.

Now the second phase of this must be to give myself permission to enjoy the thought of newness and beauty.

September 2007

Get House Painted and new tile flooring - I estimated $3000 for interior painting and tile for living room dining/kitchen and hall.

I have $20,000 in the emergency savings account. I want to saving another $500 this year to put in that account.

Car Paid for and I pay additional principal on mortgage.

Consider getting house appraised for purposes of discontinuing pmi payments on mortgage.

I perceive that the first step to my ability to gain more power in my life is first to battle depression (mental acuity) and second to battle physical problems (health issues). Therefore, doing activities that bring joy, facing my demons, and becoming more healthy are my goals.

Physical issues:

Tensor Facilialata (spelling?) - shorted tendons on bottoms of both feet that cause pain and are worsened by walking. Makes my favorite hobby and exercise of walking difficult.

solutions: daily exercise to loosen tendons, use a bike for exercise, soak feet in epsoms when they hurt like heck.

Out of shape/tone

Solution:go back to bikeriding when the weather is no longer unbearably hot. consider trying to use the exercise bike you had sitting in the garage, but must find a way to not go nuts and wrench knee again. Maybe listen to music? learning tapes?

Diabetes - Type 2

Solution: Southbeach diet appears to be working, continue to take care with eating.

Menopause

Doctors seem to want you to try to take estrogen therapy so that they can charge you big bucks later when they remove your uterus. Continue with selenium and evening primrose oil and read up on nutrition needs.

Depression:

Figure out things that give you joy and try doing them as a scheduled event:
Photography, writing, daytrips, zoo, plays, books, travel with limitations.

I have reached a point in life where very little that I valued before seems real.

I am diabetic, so the carbohydrate based meals i made are not as good for me as they used to be. Religion seems nebulous when previously it was everything. People I cared for have deeply disappointed me.

However, i still believe that knowledge and money have power, so this blog's purpose is to help me solidify my goals, and to share findings. The goal that is thought has some power, the goal spoken aloud has more, but the goal written down and reviewed from time to time has the greatest power of all.